Insomnia

Up late, thinking, things to do, things haven't done, things can't do, cant afford, cant get inspiration, can't.  People and situations standing in the way, social expectations, fighting the idealiziations of success and a normal life, "you should be doing this, you should be doing that"  White fences, plush carpeting, granite.  Life of excess.  Kids, money, debt, respect.

Why am I here?

What is the purpose, the goal ?  Is it the connections with other people, with "things", adventurous experiences within nature and the world?  Feeling the connection to the past and respecting the possibilities of the future?

Is it a respect for Him above?  Preaching the Word and damning all who do not listen to hell?  The world is large and very old, there are many ways to reach the same goal.  Have some humility in the words you speak, and follow Him in your actions.

Is it Control? over others? over land? over what?  We are born with no control, and die the same.  When I was little I walked in between the tall stones thinking,  What do we leave behind?  That little dash representing our whole time doesn't seem like much.

If I had to pick a best week of the past quarter century of my life, it was interestingly when I HAD NOTHING.  A week in the middle of nowhere, in a tepee with great friends, no money no jobs, no plan.  What is to be learned from this?

I believe every person has the ability to do great things.  But it seems there is so much other stuff.  Stuff that needs done.  Bills that need paid.   It's hard to poke around in the interesting corners of life when you're under the gun to make as much money as possible just to stay afloat.


"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth."  Thoreau

Friends

I want to talk about friends.

There are many different kinds of relationships in this life, and many different kinds of friends.  I have a few friends that have been around for many years and I know that no matter how often or not often we speak, there is no less of a connection because of time or space.  This level is formed over time, and because of the experiences and level of trust given by the other.  I am strictly speaking of same sex friendships here.  What i have come to find as of recently is that men and women have very different views on relationships with the other sex. 


In the last month I have had the "friend card" pulled on me by two completely unrelated women that I was interested in having a relationship with.  I have a long history with both, and both have basically said that their only interest was that on a purely friendship level.  Well i know it may sound a bit brash, but I'm not really interested in that anymore. 

I am the type of person that will give and give and give to a female I am interested in.  Need a ride home from somewhere at 3am, call!  Need me to come pick you up at the hospital when you are there all alone, I'm there.  Need your car fixed and have no money and no other way to get to work?  I'll figure out a way to get it done.  No problem, no complaint, I'm just glad your ok.....

All this has caused me to become the bounceback guy.  Ohh your boyfriend broke it off with you and you feel down and out?  Call me!  Ill pick you up, dust you off, take ya out to dinner and get you laughing again, and then send you back out to find another run of the mill ahole untill I get another call from you in a year when he cheated on you..... lol...  Gimme a break people.

I have been nothing but honest, hardworking, and transparent with everything in my life in the past 8 years.  I deserve better. 

So please, if your a woman looking to contact me only to make yourself feel better and never thinking about anybody else, move on down the line to the next sucker, I'm not the friend your looking for anymore.  I am going to demand all my friendships involve friends. 



I was at : 8079-8081 Plain City-Dublin Rd, Plain City, OH 43064,

Crap

I dont like crap.  I dont like crappy quality, in the things I buy, build, or work with.  I dont like my name to be on anything sub par.  I tried to explain this when today i had a very hard time at work with a project and the variables that caused the crappiness were out of my control.  

Frustrated, innoyed, agitated, unhappy, unsatisfied, and generally ready to hang it up and wake up tomorrow with less crap.

Picture is for the undying British devotion to eliminate crap.



I was at : 8079-8081 Plain City-Dublin Rd, Plain City, OH 43064,

THE SNUB.

THE SNUB.
Made famous in this clip.






So I was walking into the local Wal-Mart and on my way in I spotted a young woman walking near the building on her way in too.  You know that thing where you can recognize someone from behind just by their walk, stature, clothes.  It was that kind of thing that made me double take her.  She seemed strangely familiar.  I kept on my path glancing over until at about 30 feet I knew it was her.  It was decision time.

It was seven years ago now when I met her in school.  I always had a liking for this little doll, she knew it, I knew it, it was no secret.  I did my best.  But to no avail, alas she was too into the bad boys, the hipster trendy rock guys with loads of flair and storied upbringings.  I think I was too bland, too predictable, too honest and transparent for her.  We had been in contact on and off over the past seven years, and in some moments, I thought she might give me a chance.  I met her family, she met mine.  But , wrong again, no dice.  sorry kid.......come back another day.

So my mind started racing on what to do.  I slowed my walk and even for a second considered turning around until I was clear of her, but I kept on.  I sped up my pace with continued glances at her.  I was trying to convince myself it wasn't her, as its been probably 2 years since I've seen her last.  At about 20 feet from her, she glanced up, and I met her eyes for about 1 second, I could see her searching her mind trying to convince herself it wasnt me.  It was a long second, but I looked away pretending to be looking through her and not AT her, and I sharply turned in the door when she was within 15 feet.  I heard a faint "bonacci!"  I kept on, never looked back.  I didnt seem to conciously make the decision, I just followed where my legs seemed to be taking me.  I WANTED to stop and chat with her, see how she was doing, but I didn't feel she deserved the satisfaction of knowing I was happy to see her.  She cut me out of her life, it wasn't my decision.  The funny thing is that if she called me today and wanted to get together , I would in a minute, we just got on that well together.  I think I was almost embarrased to see her, as I wouldnt be able to keep the straight face she deserves, I would fold my hand down on the table and smile.  So I did the only thing I could, pretend not to see her.  That's what she wanted from me anyway, isn't it?

It's a shame really, things could have been so much different.  Maybe its not the last chapter in the book, I don't know.  But I do know that in the past 7 years she never gave me a chance, so on this day, I didn't give her one.

Playing "Dumb"

I got to thinking today about playing dumb.  You know, when you intend to act as if you don't have as much information about something as you do.  This can be for a whole list of reasons.  To avoid responsibility, confrontation, liability, or just to let someone spout off about what they THINK they know.

I have found out I do this a lot.  I especially like to play dumb just long enough to make someone think I really am a daft idiot, then smash their assumption to smithereens as I correct them on what they were so expertly trying to teach me.  Then I look like a quick talking smart mouth little guy with a big ego.  Well, I'm not.  But that doesn't mean I'm going to let anyone talk like they are above me.  Sorry Charlie.

So everyone please treat each other as equals will you.  Let work together.  Lets have a freakin laugh once in a while and not take everything so seriously.

Simple Living....thoughts, ramblings...whats important?

In all the time of man, we have only had modern electricity and integrated communications systems in the past century.  For all the rest of time, for heat, you needed fire, for food you needed to collect, for cleansing you needed the water nature provided.  If you wanted to send or receive information,  you sent a messenger.  Our current society has become so disconnected from this.

Water - open the tap.  Power - plug in.  Heat - set the thermostat.

Technology is a good thing.  It has made out lives easier.  But, isn't it so much more complicated?  I still don't understand what the main goals in life people have.  Most work as much as they can just to keep their head afloat with the huge mortgage and bills.  Taking time away from family, recreation, learning, and relaxation. You only get one chance at this folks, there are no "do overs" like when we were kids and messed something up.  When you are 80 years old , what will you look back on and wish were top priorities that you never "got to" ?  This is what I'm trying to figure out now, when young and I still have the most scarce and valuable resource we have, time.




Dave Matthews "Seek Up"


Sometimes I feel like I'm falling
Fall back again, fall back again,
Fall back again, fall back again...

Oh, life it seems,
this trouble between what we see and what we do
Well, I'm going to change my ways
just to please you, or appease you
Oh, look at this crowd, six million proud,
Willing to punch it away
Right, wrong, weak, strong,
Ashes to ashes, all fall down
Oh, look around about this round-about,
This merry-go-round and around
Well, if at all Gods gaze upon us falls
It's with a mischevious grin,
look at him

Forget about the reasons and the treasons we are seeking
Forget about the notion that our emotions can be kept at bay
Forget about being guilty, we are innocent instead
Soon we will all find our lives swept away

Oh, look at me and my fancy car and my bank account
Oh, how I wish I could take it all down to my grave,
God knows, I'd save and save
Man, take a look again,
take a look again
All the things I have collected
Well, in the end it all will pile up so tall
to one big nothing
One big nothing at all

Forget about the reason and the treasons we are seeking
Forget about the notion that our emotions can be kept at bay
Forget about being guilty, we are innocent instead
Soon we will all find our lives swept away

You seek up an emotion and your cup is overflowing,
You seek up an emotion sometimes your well is dry.
You seek up any monster for him to fight your wars for you
When he find his way to you the devil's not going
Ha, ha Ha, ha

Say, oh say
Late at night with TV's hungry child his belly swells
when for the price of a coke or a smoke
I could keep alive those hungry eyes,
Man, take a look again, take a look again, take a look again,
Everyday things change
But basically you and me stay the same

Forget about the reasons and the treasons we are seeking
Forget about the notion that our emotions can be kept at bay
Forget about being guilty, we are innocent instead
And soon we will all find our lives swept away

You seek up an emotion and your cup is overflowing,
You seek up an emotion sometimes your well is dry.
You seek up any monster for him to fight your wars for you
But when he find his way to you the devil's not going
Ha, ha Ha, ha

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust

Barry Schwartz: The paradox of choice

This is another very important and favorite of mine. Rus I thought of you around 9:40.

Psychologist Barry Schwartz takes aim at a central tenet of western societies: freedom of choice. In Schwartz's estimation, choice has made us not freer but more paralyzed, not happier but more dissatisfied.

A Few Ted Talk Videos

If you have never watched any of the presentations at the TED Talks before, I highly recomend you do.

Here is their Youtube channel

The Last of a Dying Breed - A Favorite Article

The Last of a Dying Breed

Tony Long  12.07.06

An old friend of mine died recently. Well, I mean he wasn't an "old friend." He was in his late 70s (which I think still qualifies as "old") and he was a friend, even though I was privileged to know him for only five or six years. Still, his passing leaves a pretty big gap in my life, and I think I know why.

John was a dabbler, a sort of Renaissance man, if you will. And you just don't see a whole lot those around anymore, not in this age of narrowly defined interests. He was a courtly man, a retired cab driver who thought of himself as an artist. He was an accomplished painter. He could sculpt. He wrote poetry, which wasn't very good, and prose, which was top notch. He played some classical guitar and fooled around with the piano. He was a lifelong scuba diver who hunted abalone up the coast and had once been a competitive swimmer. He traveled the world several times over. He spoke a couple of languages. He was married three or four times. (He never got the hang of domesticity apparently, but he always spoke fondly of his exes.)

He was one of those larger-than-life guys who always made you smile when he hove into view.

But he never learned how to use a computer. What's more, he never had any interest in learning. For John, life existed "out there," not on a screen. He never owned a cell phone, or any phone, for that matter. Didn't have a TV. Probably never heard of an iPod. But he was one of the most interesting people I've ever known.

I think what made John so interesting, beyond the adventures he had and the great stories he loved to tell, was that there was always momentum to his life. He could make a lot out of a little. His days were full and I'll wager that, after Viagra came along, his nights were pretty busy, too. He personified the active over the passive. He was a doer, not a watcher.

Which is probably the biggest reason John didn't care about computers. Yes, they're efficient and good for business, if business is what you care about. But sitting at a computer when you don't have to is to be cripplingly passive, even if you're playing the bloodiest, most maniacal shooter game ever. Sorry, podnah, but that doesn't make you Billy the Kid. You're just a couch potato with twitchy fingers.

Computers have changed the nature of the workplace, the nature of work itself. This is the information age so a lot of us are cubicle-bound and tethered to the screen, whether we like it or not. It's also the age of specialization. You gotta work to live so unless you've cultivated a rare skill -- like you can really hit a curveball or something -- there's a good chance you'll wind up behind a desk. And on that desk, inevitably, will be a computer.

Which makes it really important for your balance and well-being to get out into the world in your free time and do something -- anything -- that doesn't involve some kind of software.

The physical toll of computer overuse is well documented. And while I'm unaware of any statistical data supporting my thesis that sitting in front of a computer for more than a few hours a day is spiritually draining, anecdotal evidence abounds. You just have to look around you, at a society growing more dysfunctional, discourteous and disconnected every day. There are a lot of reasons for this, of course, but technology that discourages real human contact is certainly a prime contributor.

We are social animals. We are meant to see each other, speak with each other, touch each other, smell each other. "Connecting" online with people you never actually see face-to-face doesn't count. If that's what passes for "community" in the 21st century, well, poor us.

Should we be more like John? Sure, if you can swing it. If you're resourceful enough and not materialistic you might have a shot, but the world has changed since John was young. It's hard to poke around in the interesting corners of life when you're under the gun to make as much money as possible just to stay afloat.

Pity. We'd be so much better off.

Tony Long is copy chief at Wired News.

A break for my mind in the depth of the cold dark winter. Motorcycling Truth

I found this and unfortunately cannot provide a reference as the author is unknown, but very much the truth and how I feel.

A motorycle is not just a two-wheeled car. 

The difference between driving a car and climbing onto a motorcycle is the difference between watching TV and actually living your life. We spend all our time sealed in boxes, and cars are just the rolling boxes that shuffle us from home-box to work-box to store-box and back, the whole time, entombed in stale air, temperature regulated, sound insulated, and smelling of carpets. 

On a motorcycle, I know I am alive. When I ride, even the familiar seems strange and glorious. The air has weight and substance as I push through it, and its touch is as intimate as water to a swimmer. I feel the cool wells of air that pool under trees and the warm spokes of sun that fall through them. 

I can see everything in a sweeping 360 degrees, up, down and around, wider than Pan-A-Vision and IMAX and unrestricted by ceiling or dashboard. Sometimes I even hear music. It's like hearing phantom telephones in the shower or false doorbells when vacuuming; the pattern-loving brain, seeking signals in the noise, raises acoustic ghosts out of the wind's roar. But on a motorcycle, I hear whole songs: rock 'n roll, dark orchestras, women's voices, all hidden in the air and released by speed. At 30 miles per hour and up, smells become uncannily vivid. All the individual tree-smells and 
flower-smells and grass-smells flit by like chemical notes in a great plant symphony. Sometimes the smells evoke memories so strongly that it's as though the past hangs invisible in the air around me, wanting only the most casual of rumbling time machines to unlock it. A ride on a summer afternoon can border on the rapturous. The sheer volume and variety of stimuli is like a bath for my nervous system, an electrical massage for my brain, a systems check for my soul. It tears smiles out of me: a minute ago I was dour, depressed, apathetic, numb, but now, on two wheels, big, ragged, windy smiles flap against the side of my face, billowing out of me like air from a decompressing plane. 

Transportation is only a secondary function. A motorcycle is a joy machine. It's a machine of wonders, a metal bird, a motorized prosthetic. It's light and dark and shiny and dirty and warm and cold lapping over each other; it's a conduit of grace, it's a catalyst for bonding the gritty and the holy. I still think of myself as a motorcycle amateur, but by now I've had a handful of bikes over half a dozen years and slept under my share of bridges. I wouldn't trade one second of either the good times or the misery. Learning to ride is one of the best things I've done. 

Cars lie to us and tell us we're safe, powerful, and in control. The air-conditioning fans murmur empty assurances and whisper, "Sleep, sleep." Motorcycles tell us a more useful truth: we are small and exposed, and probably moving too fast for our own good, but that's no reason not to enjoy every minute of the ride. 

Author unknown... 

My Top Ten

I have composed my top 10 favorite companies/businesses/organizations I have grown fond of in the past few years. These are not solely based on sales figures , but real world service, company vision and philosophy. By Anthony Bonacci

1. Apple - http://www.apple.com/

Any company that can develop a recognizable, "iconic" product, has a huge advantage. All you have to see are those little white cords and ear buds, and you know, iPod.

Apple up until 1995 was doing very well. They had a considerable market share in the PC field, with substantial numbers in corporate America and education facilities. In 95-96 a series of unsuccessful computers, OS problems, and misguided management almost put them under. Gil Amelio and Steve Jobs saved the name with some corporate restructuring and the roll out of new, cutting edge reliable products and software. Mac OS 8, the iMac and following iBook were hugely successful. The first iPod rolled out on October 23, 2001 and over the next few years, the iPod changed Apple, the music industry, and the world. Apple stores came to a mall near you, hardware and software was built and an image was born. Mac now is a "cult" brand that has STRONG loyalty that is very rare in today's markets. I don't soon foresee a shortage of those little white ear buds in your local coffee shop anytime soon.

2. Dell http://www.dell.com/

1984 - Your 19, you are a freshman in college and studying to be a physician. In your spare time you build personal computers and sell them to make extra cash. Light bulb. You drop out, start a company.

Flash-Forward to 2004. Your company has worldwide sales $49 BILLION this year. Good decision. Michael Dell and his company is VERY good at what they do. They get you the best PC, tailored to your needs and budget. End of story. My one suggestion, order over the computer, unless you are good at interpreting Indian accents if ordering over the phone. Isn't outsourcing great??

3. Chipotle http://www.chipotle.com/

You can't eat out and get a decent meal anymore for $5 . You could go to any big-box chain hamburger joint, get half a pizza, or a pile of "who knows what it really is" Chinese food. There are countless places to get good, quality food, but get out your wallet. A steakhouse, and good Italian restaurant, or likewise will cost you $10-$30 a pop.

Chipotle is different. Sean Sweany said it best.
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The choices are simple. Fajita or burrito? Black beans or pinto? Chicken, steak or carnitas? Hot, medium or mild salsa? Sour cream, cheese or lettuce? Perhaps a splash of guacamole for extra flavor?The result is delicious. A personalized, mouthwatering Chipotle creation made from fresh ingredients right in front of your eyes. For those who have enjoyed Chipotle food before, a description and thoughts of such a meal may cause a rumbling in the stomach. For others who have not experienced the joy of a Chipotle meal, this may sound like unnecessary hype and praise for such a seemingly simple thing as a burrito.

The secret to Chipotle's success, however, is quite simple. As soon as diners walk in the door, they know that they will receive fresh, quality food with no frills, obnoxious advertising or grotesque pictures of clowns or other cartoon characters everywhere. Rather, the setting is trendy and varied, eclectic music tracks set a mood conducive to relaxation and peaceful dining.The food itself is the true gem of the restaurant and the one-pound burritos make a perfect meal for breakfast, lunch or dinner.
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Every time I limp out of Chipotle I'm not sure weather I'm in Heaven or Hell. I'm about to explode all over the parking lot because I just ate a burrito as big as my head in 10 minutes, but I'm so happy I didn't buy another crappy burger around the corner.

4. American Apparel http://www.americanapparel.net/
The name says it all.
Downtown LA - Everything from concept, manufacturing, and marketing happens under one roof. They employ mostly immigrant (100% legal) workers paid the highest wages in the garment industry worldwide. They have many benefits over and above the average, and the productivity of the company shows this. They make high quality, simple, NO BRAND (no logos) clothing at competitive prices. The marketing does not hide the leftist LA lifestyle that might some bother parents between the coasts, but its definitely nothing worse then modern PG13 movies or mall windows.
5. IKEA http://www.ikea.com/
This is quite possibly one of the most simple success stories out there. Simplisticy modern, quality furniture at moderate price. Often fucky in design and color, the items from ikea could be picked out of a lineup. They are recognizable. They are ....... cool, to put it simply. Only one major drawback to this great company, locations. There are only currently 29 in the lower 48. And 8 are in California. So thats 21 stores over 47 states, so the chance that there is an Ikea in your area is pretty slim. If you locate the nearest store to you, a weekend trip with a truck, a shopping list and a sense of adventure might be fun. Check out the site, and thank me later.

6. Google http://www.google.com/
Simplest, fastest, most accurate, comprehensive search engine ever. I use nothing else. Only suggestion: never type in a search for your own personal info (ie ss number, cc number etc..) Every search is saved and analyzed. Big brother is watching.
I wish I had bought their stock.

7. YouTube http://www.youtube.com/
Well, chances are if you have a computer with a high speed internet connection, you already know about youtube. It is the leader in online video sharing. The numbers are simply staggering.
Lee Gomes from the Wall Street Journal dug up some fascinating data...
* In a single month the number of videos on the site grew 20% to 6.1 million
* YouTube has some 45 terabytes of videos
* Video views reached 1.73 billion
* 70% of YouTube's registered users are American, roughly 50% are under 20
* The total time people spent watching YouTube since it started last year is 9,305 years

8. Toyota http://www.toyota.com/
What Toyota (and Honda) has been able to do is simply mind bending. It is very hard to get a "general concensus" of a company from the public. They have somehow managed to do this. Everyone thinks "toyotas last forever." Well, the truth really doesn't matter, car sales do. And in a market that is becoming more and more competitive and stagnant with every passing month, they are doing considerable better than the domestic makers. The only nitche I never see them breaking is the full size truck market. The farmers in da middle sure do like dem' Ford trucks, whether or not they last as long as the Toyotas.
9. Myspace ( do I really need to give you the link?)
Haha, myspace.... Where do I begin? The concept is pretty simple. In a straight forward, navigationable system they have created a social calendar. You have a list of your friends, which everyone can view, and see who they know. Add in the Motion Picture, Music, and just about every other business you can think of, and you have one unique place to visit.
Everyone tries to create a "cooler" page than the rest, adding a billion pictures of their own sheep-selves doing wild and goofy things. I am so very proud of them. And the girls pages crack me up the most. I found an old ex-girlfriend from high school, so I requested her as a friend and she soon accepted. I looked through her page about her husband and her little girl, read all her writing, and then looked at her pictures... There was so much skin in those pictures that I am sure it would be classified as illegal in some countries. I sent her a very polite message saying I hoped everything was going well in her life, that she always was and is a beautiful woman, and she didn't need to prove it to the world via her myspace album.
I never heard back from her. Guess myspace is pretty true-to-life.

10. Craftsman www.sears.com/craftsman
There only a handful of places that I love to go shopping. Car dealerships where I will never be able to afford the cars I'm looking at, eletronic stores, and tool stores. Craftsman is the official tool brand of Sears. They are absolutely fantastic tools at moderate prices. Now, if you want to buy your nephew his first wrench set at his 10th bitrthday, I would suggest staying at your local discount store. The tools are not cheap by any means, but when compared to the top shelf Mac and Snap-On brands, they are a steal. You can't beat the lifetime warranties either, of which I have only used once.