Friday, January 29, 2010

Insomnia

Up late, thinking, things to do, things haven't done, things can't do, cant afford, cant get inspiration, can't.  People and situations standing in the way, social expectations, fighting the idealiziations of success and a normal life, "you should be doing this, you should be doing that"  White fences, plush carpeting, granite.  Life of excess.  Kids, money, debt, respect.

Why am I here?

What is the purpose, the goal ?  Is it the connections with other people, with "things", adventurous experiences within nature and the world?  Feeling the connection to the past and respecting the possibilities of the future?

Is it a respect for Him above?  Preaching the Word and damning all who do not listen to hell?  The world is large and very old, there are many ways to reach the same goal.  Have some humility in the words you speak, and follow Him in your actions.

Is it Control? over others? over land? over what?  We are born with no control, and die the same.  When I was little I walked in between the tall stones thinking,  What do we leave behind?  That little dash representing our whole time doesn't seem like much.

If I had to pick a best week of the past quarter century of my life, it was interestingly when I HAD NOTHING.  A week in the middle of nowhere, in a tepee with great friends, no money no jobs, no plan.  What is to be learned from this?


I believe every person has the ability to do great things.  But it seems there is so much other stuff.  Stuff that needs done.  Bills that need paid.   It's hard to poke around in the interesting corners of life when you're under the gun to make as much money as possible just to stay afloat.


"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth."  Thoreau

No comments: